I was you once. I sometimes still feel like you.
You wonder if you’re ever going to be worth anything. You spend your nights worrying and crying into your pillow, half hoping they won’t hear you, half hoping they will. You wish someone would notice that your world is falling apart around you. When you wake up in the morning, you half wish you hadn’t, and don’t understand what the point of it is. When you’re in a crowd, you feel like you don’t belong. Sometimes you just feel invisible. People either can’t see you or they’re ignoring you. You don’t understand what you’ve ever done to offend other people. You feel like you’ve been abandoned. There’s nobody for you to turn to. Like you can’t even talk to your best friends about some things. You don’t want to burden anyone with your issues. You don’t feel like you can do anything, you just aren’t skilled enough. You aren’t good enough.
Darling, it’s all a lie.
You are not abandoned. You have infinite worth. You are more than good enough. You have skills.
You might feel like the most broken, damaged person in the world, but I promise you, you are not. You are okay.
You might feel like no one loves you. That everyone hates you. False. You are loved.
You might feel like you’ll never be able to love, to give yourself to anyone. That you’ll never be able to take down the walls you’ve built around yourself. You can and you will. You’ll surprise even yourself.
You might feel like you’ll never deserve anything- love, kindness, hope- but you are worth so much more than you even know.
You might feel so weak. Like you can’t carry on. Like you can’t change your world. You can. You are stronger than you can imagine.
In my darkest times, eyeliner smudged down my cheeks, I reminded myself of this:
I am beautiful and I am loved.
You were created as a unique piece of art, an intricate machine working with absolute precision. That is why you are beautiful. You have a heart which is passionate for all manner of things- music, books, helping other people, creating art, discovering more about the world- and that makes you beautiful.
Even with an orphan heart, there is still someone who loves you. You may feel completely alone, but I promise there are still people who love you, who pray for you, who hope you are well. You are always loved.
Dear little lost girl, you are never alone. You are never worthless. You are never lost.
Dear little girl, you are loved. Always.